Babysitting for Dummies
by September Wolves
Summary: After an encounter with Gabriel, Sam and Dean find themselves in a sticky situation. Turned into toddlers again. And unfortunately, Castiel has to be the the babysitter. Divine punishment much? Hell yeah.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: It's with a crack fic. Enjoy and tell me if I should make a few pairings.**

**Sum: After an encounter with Gabriel, Sam and Dean find themselves in a sticky situation. Turned into toddlers again. And unfortunately, Castiel has to be the the babysitter. Divine punishment much? Hell yeah.  
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One**

"Yeah, Bobby here." Bobby picked up the phone after a pause, recognizing the caller ID to be Dean's.

"Hello, Bobby. It's Castiel speaking here. Could you do me a favor and tell me what exactly is the use of Pampers." The angel Castiel's monotone came through the phone a bit muffled as if he was speaking with a mouthful of pillows.

Bobby raised an eyebrow at the words and shrugged. "Well, it's a kind of diaper for babies. Why?"

"Just answer the question, Bobby." The angel sounded slightly stressed.

Bobby snorted. "Just who do you think I am? I'm a hunter, not a diapers salesperson."

"Please, Bobby."

The old man sighed and turned to the window. "They are diapers used for kids when they have an 'accident'. Why are you asking me about diapers for heaven sakes?"

"Do you think Sam and Dean would need them?" the angle asked innocently through the phone and Bobby choked on the beer he was drinking.

"What the hell…" he groaned and wiped a hand over his face. "OK, what did they do _now_?"

"They pissed off the Archangel Gabriel who though it would be funny to turn them back into toddlers, well in Sam's case, an infant." Castiel's serious voice made Bobby want to both laugh and strangle him.

"Do you want to talk to them? Well not them no. Sam can't speak in full sentences yet." The angel said.

Bobby sighed. "Yeah, put Dean on the line."

"HI BOBBY! CASSIE'S LETTING US BUNK WITH HIM FOR THE NIGHT!" the tiny high pitched voice blasted through the phone and Bobby groaned as he held the phone a few inches away from him. Then Dean started singing.

"OLD MCDONALD HAD A FARM…'

"Oh what the hell." Bobby hung up and the next moment, Castiel was standing behind him, his breathing hard and ragged. Bobby raised an eyebrow at the angel's torn clothes and sighed.

"How much candy did you give them?" he asked in an exasperated voice.

"May I sit on your couch?" Castiel asked politely and groaned in relief as Bobby nodded.

"So tell me the details." Bobby prompted.

"Dean and Sam were going down to Manchester for a string of murders when they met up with Gabriel and Dean ran out of bullets so he decide dot throw a bit of profanities and insults at the Archangel. Apparently, he convinced Sam to follow his steps and Gabriel got angry when they touched the subject of his betrayal to Heaven." Castiel threw an arm over his face. "Then Gabriel dumped them onto me. What did I do to deserve this?"

The angel looked like he was on the verge of tears. Bobby sighed in sympathy and tossed him a beer. The angel popped the cap and drained it in one long gulp. He looked stressed.

"Well, I can tell you from experience, don't give them anything that has sugar in it. Unless you want to die a very painful death." Bobby said. Castiel looked a bit uneasy.

"How long do you think a giant slushie will keep them like that?" he asked as he tried to pull off the crooked tie.

Bobby groaned. "You're so dead. Those guys were demons themselves when they were young. Speaking of kids, where are they?"

"Opps, I forgot them at the hotel."

He looked up to see an empty couch.

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Castiel took a deep breath as he pushed open the door to the motel room. Loud music shook the ceiling as Dean and Sam jumped up and down on the two beds. The sheets were ripped and what looked like the 'accident' Bobby had mentioned earlier smeared on the bed sheets.

Castiel's face paled. But he didn't have much time to think about anything as the two kids, a six-year-old Dean and a three-year-old Sam rushed at him with monstrously large pillows.

"Pillow fight! Let's kill the angel!" Mini Dean roared.

Castiel had just enough time to take a deep breath before he went down in a small explosion of goose feathers. He wondered vaguely if this was divine punishment from the Big Boss for failing his mission.

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**What do you think? It's a beginning...so review and I will write more. =)** Tell me if I should make any pairings...


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Another update! Enjoy and review! =) **

**Note: Dean and Sam may have shrunk in body size but their memories are still there. only it's harder to control their childish side.**

**Do you want any pairings in this fic or just crack?**

**A. YES B:NO C:DOESN'T MATTER **(answer in your review please!)**  
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Two**

"So let's try to figure out our problem here." Dean's tiny chubby face was dead serious as he crossed his small legs. Castiel felt relieved that the sugar had worn off in the middle of the night when both hyper kids dropped suddenly and started snoring. On the other hand, he was having problems trying to keep his hands to himself. Dean's chubby cheeks were dying to be pinched and he found out he had a weakness to Dean's huge green eyes.

"Ahhh! I can't do this anymore. I can't fucking concentrate!" Mini Dean suddenly threw up his small hands and fell back onto the bed. Sam watched his brother with enormous brown eyes and sucked on his left fist innocently. Dean's eyes flickered over to the small yellow squishy duck in the corner of the room and suddenly the small figure dove off the bed and pounced on the yellow thing. It let out a dismayed squeak as Dean squished it.

"Muhahaha!" Dean let out an evil cackle and squeezed the ducky in his tiny fists. Castiel watched him with a spaced-out look. He opened his mouth for a moment then closed it with a small snap. It wasn't a question. He needed help.

For a few minutes, Castiel alternated watching Sam try to cram his right fist in his mouth as well and Dean… well dean was hunched in the corner and squeezing the rubber madly in his small chubby fingers while cackling darkly.

"Evil duckies must die!" Squish squishy squish.

Castiel's left eye twitched. Then Sam started crying. The small boy fell back onto the bed and howled. Castiel felt like crying himself as he rushed over and patted Sam's head with a hand. The tears stopped as Sam's teeth sank into the angel's finger.

So this was what it felt like to be bitten by a shark.

After a few minutes effort, he managed to wrestle Sam off him. The boy's stomach grumbled and his lower lip wobbled again. Castiel ran a hand through his hair desperately.

"H-how about we go shopping?" he asked finally.

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So in half an hour and many more painful bites, Castiel managed to get them to a nearby supermarket. He put Sam into the baby seat and Dean into the front of the go-cart. Dean was still squeezing the poor rubber duck madly.

Castiel walked through the aisles slowly, letting his eyes scan over the colorful logos and pictures on the products. Then Sam grabbed something from the shelf and waved it in Castiel's face. The angel frowned.

"I don't think you can digest that…"

Dean looked up and smirked. "It suits him, Cass. The thing on the front looks just like Sammy."

Castiel frowned harder. "Sam doesn't look like a dog. And these are dog biscuits…"

His eyes scanned over the words: _for healthy strong teeth_. Well it beat Sam chewing on his fingers. The angel shrugged and grabbed two more packages. Then came the problem. How to be ready when Sam has his 'accident'? A small bell rang inside his head as he remembered.

Diapers.

And so the angel of the Lord found himself in a land of horrid bright pink and blue colors. Castiel cringed. After taking a big breath, he managed to make his way down the aisle. The packages looked the same to him. He was utterly confused and was considering whether to smite the baby product section to test the diapers' durability when a hand landed on his shoulder.

"Looking for diapers, hun?" an older woman smiled at him kindly. Castiel gave her a dazed nod and stared at her face with wide blue eyes. She chuckled. "Helping the wife at home to buy diapers, how sweet!"

He considered asking what she meant but decided against it when the woman started on the diaper introduction.

"This brand is for children ages two to four and this here had extra padding for longer use. You wouldn't want to get and cotton ones if your child has allergies..."

He stared wide-eyed as he listened to her. She was like the mother of diapers… he never knew how gifted humans were at making their children comfortable. After choosing a few extra thick brands, he turned to the go-cart and froze. Sam stared back at him with huge brown eyes but Dean was missing. The abandoned rubber duck stared back at him with a forlorn look.

This was not good. What if a demon got to Dean before he could shout for help?

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On the other side of the store_

A woman absently picked out a few apples and left her small daughter by the shopping cart. As soon as the woman moved out sight, Dean made his move. He sidled over and smirked as he carded a small hand through his hair and held out a hand.

Hey, sweetheart. You look familiar. Have I seen you before? Oh yeah, you look like my next girl friend."

There was utter silence and the girl blinked a few times. Dean coughed and tried another.

"Do you have a map? Cause I got lost in your eyes…"

The girl giggled slightly and took Dean's hand. "You're funny…"

Dean smirked, a look that was far from decent on a six-year-old boy and leaned forward, his eyes sparkling mischievously. He put out a small arm and yanked his tiny sleeve up to show his arm and flexed. The baby fat didn't even twitch.

"Like that? There's more where that came from. Get a load of this." He said with a leering grin and pulled at his small soft grey baby pants. Both toddlers leaned in and peered inside curiously. Then the girl blinked a few times and burst into tears.

Suddenly Castiel came out of nowhere and snatched the small boy up and tucked him under his armpit and turned to the girl's mother who was staring at him with a strange look.

"Excuse me, miss." He turned and fled from the crime scene.

After a few minutes, he managed to pick out a few fruits and necessities with the help of some generous women around the store.

Dean was officially pissed that Castiel had ruined his attempt to hook up with a five-year-old girl and named the rubber ducky Castiel. Castiel winced as Dean punched the duck in the spot between its legs. The duck squeaked.

"Take that, ya old bastard!"

Castiel sighed. So this was how it felt to be a father. He felt new respect for John Winchester.

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**What do you think? I love Dean. He's just adorable. Review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: We take a look at how Lucifer reacts to the news. Enjoy! Thanks for the reviews guys! *throws hugs and kisses***

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Three**

Gabriel: *Looks up as Lucifer enters* Hello, brother.

Lucifer: *Glare* Hello, _brother_… say, what are you planning to do by turning the Winchester brothers into babies?

Gabriel: *shrug and grin* I felt like it.

Lucifer: *Takes a warning step forward* I waited for almost thirty years for Sam Winchester to grow up to use as my vessel and now you turn him into a three-year-old baby. What am I supposed to do with a toddler?!

Gabriel: *takes a step back* easy there…

Lucifer: *growl* You'd better come up with a better excuse or else...

Gabriel: *wave toward something behind Lucifer's shoulder* Hi Michael!

Lucifer: *whirl around* WHERE?!

Gabriel: *disappears with a wink*

Lucifer: That asshole…I'm going to kill him someday.

And that was how Gabriel became Hell's Most Wanted.

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**Leave a review! =)**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Another update! Enjoy and review! I would appreciate it if any of you can come up with some funny ideas! please pm me or add it in your reviews if you do! Thanks!**

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Four**

Bobby sighed as he saw the caller ID on the vibrating phone. It was Castiel again… for a few moments he contemplated on not answering but the panicked angel might just do something they'll both regret. At the last minute, Bobby picked up the phone.

"Bobby here… what'd ya want, Cass?" he asked impatiently.

There was silence on the other side of the line. Then Castiel spoke very gravely. "Bobby, I have sinned."

"What?!"

"Against my better judgment, I gave them sugar again…" the angel said forlornly. Bobby counted in his head to calm down and not to burst out laughing.

"What are they doing right now?"

Castiel frowned as he ducked back into the motel room to see how Dean and Sam were doing. Dean wasn't on the bed. Sam sat there with his three bags of extra-hard dog biscuits and was chewing his way through the fourth one. Castiel wondered briefly if Sam would pass out from dehydration. Surely that much slobber wasn't healthy. He watched the miniature version of Niagara Falls dribble down Sam's small chin for a moment before ducking back out.

"Sam's eating dog biscuits and Dean is no where to be found." He confirmed.

Bobby sighed and swept a hand over his face. "Just…just make sure he doesn't have indigestions…that boy could blow up the motel room if he does…"

Castiel decided not to ask why. "Bobby, can I perhaps bring them over to your place for a while? Just so I can have time to do some researching…"

"Hell no! I'd rather shoot myself before you even try. How the hell am I supposed to watch over two hyper little monsters in a fucking wheelchair?"

There goes Plan A.

Castiel cleared his throat and was about to say something else when the motel walls suddenly shook and a piece of plaster fell over his head. He frowned and wiped the crumbling white stuff from his head and stepped back into the motel. Castiel squinted suspiciously at Sam. The boy's biscuit looked a bit singed.

"Did you have indigestion?" he asked finally.

Sam shook his head happily and pointed to the kitchen. Castiel walked over and blinked as a pair of bright green eyes blinked back at him. Dean's face was the color of charcoal and his hair was sticking out in spikes. Castiel took a deep breath before reaching over and gently putting out one of the burning spikes of hair with his finger. He crossed his arms and gave Dean the "better explain or I'll drop Devine Punishment on your tiny burnt head" look.

Dean grinned and shrugged.

"What? The exploding ovens looked _so_ cool in the movies!"

Castiel pinched the bridge of his nose and gingerly lifted Dean out of his pile of destruction.

"I think Lucifer would have been proud to have you as a son. Time for a bath, Dean."

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**What do you think?" =)**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Enjoy the fifth chapter! I'm going to make the boys go on a hunt soon! =) and thanks to you guys for the reviews keep them ideas comin'!**

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Five**

"So, do you think I'll be a kid forever or grow up like, really slow?" Dean suddenly spoke up in the small tub. Castiel looked up in the middle of trying to hang up the scorched shirt. He gave up and dumped it into the trashcan before turning to Dean, wiping his soot stained fingers on his pants.

The chubby cheeks were stained with black but Dean's eyes were suddenly serious. He ran his small fingers through the wet spikes and blew on a bubble. Castiel cleared his throat.

"I don't know." He replied brusquely and went back to trying to sort out Dean's pile of burnt clothes. Dean was silent for a moment and Castiel couldn't help but turn around. Dean's eyes were downcast and he was clenching his fingers around the amulet hanging around his small neck. The angel sighed and stood slowly. He stepped over and gently put his hand on Dean's wet head. He struggled with the words, trying to make them sound comforting.

"I would try my best to help you brothers, Dean." The angel finally said awkwardly. Dean ducked his head to hide the small smile from the serious confession and dove into the bubbles, feeling suddenly lighter.

Castiel felt satisfied that Dean had reverted back to his childish self. The angel always thought the serious part of Dean didn't suit him at all.

"Hey Cass."

Castiel looked up when the words reached his ears and saw Dean sitting there clutching the rubber duck and staring at it with a cute dimpled smile.

"I think you'd be a nice dad." He said straight to the duck and promptly dove back into the bubbles. Castiel smiled to himself when he caught the glimpse of a blush. The mushiness in the air was effectively thrown out the window when the three-year-old Sam came bursting into the room, a dog biscuit wedged in his mouth. Castiel raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth to speak but Sam yanked the hard cookie out of his own with a bit of effort and cleared his throat.

"Cass, I finally figured out how to use this baby voice!" he shouted, his voice squeaking. "I can finally speak! Damn it, why the hell am I eating this dog biscuit?"

Sam flung the cookie aside and crossed his tiny arms. The "Sam's famous bitch face baby version" was back on and Castiel tried to speak again but Sam cut him off.

"Dean, did you have to make fun of an angel? Look at us!" he took a few steps forward and glared at the shaking bubbles. A few popped under the withering look. "How do we turn back?"

A small head covered with bubbles popped out of the pile of trembling froth and Dean took a few deep breaths. "Damn, I hate small lungs. You can't hold your breath longer than a few seconds." He flicked a few wet suds at Sam and grinned.

"Dean…" the warning tone from Sam made one word pop into Castiel's mind.

Mother._ Pissed-off mother. _

The angel turned to see Dean roll his eyes and flop back onto his bed of foam. "You know Sammy; I liked you better when you couldn't speak in full sentences."

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**Review! and tell me how it is!**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: The boys are going on a hunt. Enjoy! Thanks for the reviews guys! *throws hugs and kisses* you all have been so supportive!  
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** Six**

"So there's this place down in Kansas that I found on the news, supposedly a mother killed both her sons in their sleep one night before committing suicide. Well, the problem is that they decided to use the house for a daycare center and several 'accidents' have happened. If you boys feel up to it, I suppose I'll let you check it out, but there's no way in hell Cass is going to let the two of you off alone." Bobby's voice droned on and on from the receiver. Castiel nodded when he heard the part about him and Dean groaned as he fell back onto the motel bed.

"I don't want a babysitter. I want to hang out with the big girls." The muffled whine made Sam cross his arms.

"Aren't you a bit old for the 'whine-and-get-my-way' routine?" Sam asked with a raised eyebrow. Castiel frowned as he watched the younger brother. Despite Sam's youthfulness, the kid still managed to pull the look off perfectly.

"Shut up Sammy, who told you to start smart-mouthing your big brother off?" Dean flung a pillow at Sam.

"It's my mouth; I get to do what I want with it." A smug look came over Sam's face and he poked his tongue out at Dean.

"Prepare to get your ass handed back to you, Sammy boy!" Dean threw his miniature body at Sam and Castiel dropped the phone to catch the boy in the middle of his extra fancy flying leap, complete with the sparkles and background music and twirls…ok, moving on.

"Is it me or is it really hard to concentrate?" Sam rubbed at his temples and his eyes flickered to the bag of abused dog biscuits near the table for the umpteenth time. Castiel slung the struggling Dean over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and went for the phone again.

"Are you still there, Bobby?" the angel asked breathlessly. He winced when Dean's elbow connected with his jaw. "Do you think it's safe for them to go on a hunt like this? Sam's not even taller than the rifle, how is he supposed to use it if he needs it?"

"Well, Cass my boy, that's where you come into the picture." Bobby's smug voice drifted over the line. Castiel tried to protest but he was cut off. "Unless you want to spend your time looking after them…"

Castiel shook his head violently as he dropped Dean back onto the lumpy mattress. "No, I think it's best if I take them on the hunt."

Bobby tried not to whoop in triumph as he wheeled himself over to the fridge for a beer. "Well then good luck, because you're going to need it."

Castiel gulped as he said goodbye and hung up. He turned to see Dean sitting on top of Sam, who had two dog biscuits shoved into his mouth. Castiel sighed and pulled Sam out from under his older brother and managed to get the biscuits out of Sam's mouth. The angel felt a bit queasy as he watched the drool connecting the biscuit and Sam's mouth tremble in midair. He pulled it farther away and stared in amazement and horror as the saliva stretched. Then Dean blew on it and the thing snapped and half swung onto the trench coat and the other half smacked against Sam's chin.

"Eww…." The angel and the small brown haired boy said in unison. Dean collapsed back onto the bed and started cackling.

"Hey angel boy, mind if I ask how we're going to get there?" he finally asked between gasps of laughter. Castiel immediately raised his fingers to Dean's forehead and the boy scrambled away. "no, we are definitely not going by that way."

"Maybe Cass can drive us there, Because we can't get to Kansas on foot." Sam said.

Dean rolled his eyes and flopped back onto the bed. "Duh Dorothy, why don't we ask a tornado to blow the motel all the way over?" then he froze when he realized the words.

"Wait a minute there! You can't drive _my baby_!" a look of horror crossed over Dean's face as he clutched his tiny hand to his heart and stared at Castiel. Sam crossed his arms and smirked.

"Well, come up with another plan then, genius. By the way Cass, do you have a driver's license?" he asked. Castiel shook his head with a puzzled look.

"What's that?"

"Noooooo!!!!!! My babbbbyyyy! You cruel people!" Dean wailed as his eyes rolled dramatically and clutched at his chest. Both Sam and Castiel watched silently as Dean flopped back onto the bed dramatically, his tongue rolling out. After a long moment of silence, Sam leaned forward and peered closely at his bother's face.

"Uh, Cass, I don't think he's faking it." He said slowly as he poked a round cheek cautiously. Dean didn't move. "Cass, I think Dean just passed out."

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**Man, I bet if the Impala could turn into a girl, Dean would probably marry her...Leave a review! =)**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: I updated! I'm so proud of myself...Review please! Thanks for the support*holds out hands***

**The boys arrive in the next chapter, which will be longer. =)  
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**Seven**

The policeman's eyes widened as he looked over to the car next to him. The red light was still blaring its ugly color and the man took his time staring at the small child in the car next to the cruiser. For a moment, he thought he had imagined it but after a few slow blinks, he realized it wasn't an illusion.

The kid in the next car was flipping him off.

Then the lights turned green and the car shot out in a cloud of burnt rubber and squeaky tires. Dean grinned from his car seat in the back of the Impala and turned to give Sam the famous Dean Winchester smirk, complete with the wiggling eyebrows. Sam rolled his eyes and took a small bite of the Happy Meal next to him. Dean's mouth opened to moan about the messy turn Castiel made just then and Sam, tire of his brother's constant whining, swiftly stuffed the wrapping paper into Dean's mouth. Sam smiled innocently as the angel in the front tore his eyes from the road with some difficulty.

"Don't fight, Dean."

And if looks could kill, the angel and Sam would have been zapped to burnt dust by Dean's ultra-stun-rays-of-doom. They had practically scraped the small Dean off the hood of the Impala that morning. Dean had pronounced his undying love for the car before attempting to meld himself onto the hood of the car. It was only when Castiel had threatened to zap them to Kansas without the Impala that Dean grudgingly let go. So as Sam tried to teach the angel the rules on driving, Dean kept up a constant flow of colorful profanities. The old lady across the street practically dropped dead at the words. Then it was time for the angle to get behind the wheels. Dean nearly fainted again when Castiel sent an overloaded trash can flying out into the street. The angle had screamed he had been blinded when a piece of black lingerie slapped itself onto the windshield. Sam was quite certain he would never be a driver instructor again. It was going to be a long trip. Sam was already having a headache from all the loud heavy metal music blaring from the radio as Dean wobbled his head to the music, his voice off-tune as he shrieked at the top of his lungs.

After an hour of the ungodly torture, which Cass and Sam were both sure the hell spawns from the Pit had taught Dean a few singing tricks, they decided to stop at a McDonalds.

"Oh, god, this is good stuff. I'm like getting a fucking brain freeze right now." Dean took another loud slurp of the slushie and groaned as he fell back onto the car seat. How Castiel had managed to find two car seats and a bag of Berber baby food from nowhere was a mystery to Sam. Dean had immediately snatched up all the ham and turkey flavored ones and left the veggies to Sam, which suited the boy just fine. They were reduced to eating baby food. Sam sighed. If only Lucifer could see what his vessel had become. He shrugged and pushed back all the unhappy thoughts as he took another bite of his food.

"Let's go over this again. I'm supposed to be your father from now on, we drop you guys off at the daycare center and I linger in the background while you guys do your thing, right?' Castiel turned to face them, forgetting all about the road. The loud blast of a horn made the angel turned back as Sam choked on the salad. A loud cough from beside him told Sam his older brother had also choked. Dean wiped the slushie from his chin and glared at the driver.

"What the hell, dude! Keep your beautiful angelic eyes on the fucking road, Cass. If you get one single scratch on my baby, I'm gonna skin you alive. By the way, can we make a stop, I need to pee.""

"Go right ahead, Dean."

Both Winchesters turned to look at one another.

"Uh, Cass, I think you have to find a restroom and uh…make a stop before Dean craps in his pants."

"Hey, shut up dog boy. It's not as if you haven't had an accident before."

Castiel nodded tersely and stepped down hard. The car moaned as it lurched forward, accompanied by a tiny heart-broken sob from Dean.

"Uh, Sam. How do I make this metal box stop?"

Sam resisted the urge to scream and bang his head on the window. It was going to be a long and painful journey indeed.

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**Review and tell me how you think! =)**


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